Leading With Grit & Grace

I hate Women's History Month. Don't get me wrong; I think it's vitally important to keep remembering that - and why - women matter. It's crucial that we keep examining and updating our perceptions of women, so that we see them in ways that are ever-more complete, current and correct. I just don't think that Women's History Month ("WHM") accomplishes these ends very well. Unfortunately, WHM is often reduced to an annual box-checking exercise that masquerades as a demonstration of commitment to women. I should know. I used to be a Diversity officer for a large organization. The traditional observance...


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I usually steer away from philosophy in this blog, focusing more on practical leadership topics. But from time to time, I think it's important to step back from the 'how to' of leading with grit & grace and look more deeply at the 'why.'  On behalf of what does this work exist? The underlying purpose of Leading With Grit & Grace™ is to help individuals and institutions address what I call the 'tyranny of success.' On one hand, it is critically important to establish what we're good at. This forms the very foundation of our effectiveness. For example, a leader discovers that she gets...


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"I'm exhausted... like 'end-of-my-rope' exhausted. But I feel guilty taking time off." My clients, especially women, say this to me a lot. It comes from a deeply embedded cultural value that work is good, and non-work is non-good.  If you're running from dawn to midnight, you must matter. If you're well-rested, then you must be expendable. Many of us take better care of our cars than we do of ourselves.  We understand that it's necessary and advisable to get the car checked regularly, because routine maintenance may prevent us from getting stranded at the worst possible time. We know we shouldn't...


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Last year, a company hired me to present "Leading With Grit & Grace" to its senior women executives. When the sponsor asked me to describe the content of the presentation, I said, "It's about how women can wield their power and influence more effectively."  Their response?  "Whatever you do, don't mention the word power in your presentation!" This client was giving voice to a common discomfort with the notion of power in our culture.  Women seem especially wary of it, as if power is something that we shouldn't claim or own. I think the reason we resist owning - or even talking about...


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"The minute I express my opinion clearly, I get labeled as aggressive."  This may be the most recurrent refrain I hear from the women leaders I coach.  They report that if they hold back or are soft-spoken, they get run over in conversations.  Yet if they come forward with strength, they get tattooed with what I call the "Scarlet B:" the reputation as a bitch (excuse the French). There's no doubt that organizations tolerate more forcefulness from men than from women, so women often have to operate in a much narrower stylistic swath.  At the same time, something has nagged at me about these...


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Here's a great HBR article on women and confidence.  Who knew that 'rounding up' holds a key?   http://blogs.hbr.org/glickman/2012/01/confidence-is-a-numbers-game.html


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“I know what I want to say, but HOW do I say it without getting ignored or killed?” In my experience as an executive coach, this question stymies women leaders as much as any other issue.  Why?  Because organizations often require women to operate within a painfully narrow stylistic range: nice, but not TOO nice; strong, but not TOO strong.   The metaphor of dancing on the head of a pin comes to mind.  How on earth do you navigate this? Here’s what doesn’t work.  It doesn’t work to dilute your message, minimize your strength, or chip away at your authenticity so much that you disappear....


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